I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
