I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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