Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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