alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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