if you like me you must not know who I am
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
