Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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