Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
