i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
