What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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