To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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