I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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