sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
