I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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