you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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