my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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