i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
