There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
