dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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