Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
