he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize