on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this will be a night to untag.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He has the fingertips of a God
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