She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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