im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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