There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
