he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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