Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
