You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
