I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
