Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
