I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
whose parrot is this?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
