You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
