perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
