Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So vagazzling was a success
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize