You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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