Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
