U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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