at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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