My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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