My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
