So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
