I think I am morally bankrupt
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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