new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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