were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
