I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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