and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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