New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
