My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
