Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
