Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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