listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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