My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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