Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
