its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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