I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
