...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
