Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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