please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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