It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
