maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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