JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
