need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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