and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
