drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We need to get me chipped asap
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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