I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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