Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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