Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
