Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
