come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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