Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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