Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
