I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
